- The Effective Week
- Posts
- Effective at Delaying Gratification
Last week, I had one of those proud parent moments. It was the last day of school, and my kid walked into the assembly with a mission. Throughout the year, kids earned tickets for good behavior and could “spend” them in prize raffles every few weeks. But my kid? He skipped every chance to cash in. Instead, he quietly saved every single ticket (we’re talking like three pounds of paper) and dumped them all into the bin for a mini basketball hoop on the final day. Unsurprisingly, he won.
But what really got me wasn't the win... it was the strategy. He gave up all the small prizes along the way in pursuit of one big goal. That moment reminded me just how powerful it is to delay gratification, and how rarely we talk about building that skill intentionally.
Tip of the Week: Delaying gratification is a practical skill that can be learned, trained, and applied daily to unlock better outcomes in everything (from parenting to personal productivity).
THE THEORY
The Marshmallow Experiment still matters. In the 1970s, psychologist Walter Mischel led a now-famous study at Stanford where children were given a choice: eat one marshmallow now, or wait 15 minutes and get two. The results became legendary: kids who waited tended to have better life outcomes years later, including higher SAT scores and better health. But the deeper insight wasn't about willpower. It was about how kids managed the wait.
Delaying gratification is less about self-control and more about smart distraction. Later studies built on Mischel’s work, showing that delayed gratification improves when we frame choices differently or change our environment. The kids who succeeded weren’t necessarily more “disciplined,” they just got better at managing their attention and expectations. Some turned around, covered their eyes, sang songs... anything to avoid staring at the marshmallow. This tells us that impulse control can be trained. It also means we can design our lives (and our kids’ environments) in ways that make patience easier.
Enter: Temporal Discounting (our bias for the now). We are wired to value immediate rewards more than future ones, even when we know better. It’s why saving money feels harder than spending, and why skipping dessert feels like a sacrifice. But when we understand this bias, we can counter it. The strategy revolves around pairing short-term effort with immediate rewards (like a playlist for workouts or a progress bar for studying) helps bridge the gap between now and later.
MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS
I learned about this from my cousins (and the Kardashians). They told me to try the Stormi Challenge with my kid. I had no idea what it was, so I checked TikTok and saw Kylie Jenner telling her daughter not to eat chocolate until she returned. It was the Marshmallow Experiment... Kardashian-style. I tried it: candy on the table, same rule. My kid hesitated, waited… and won. It was hilarious (and surprisingly deep). Easily the most fun psychology experiment I’ve run at home. [Side note: Did you know that 33%+ of you reading these are parents? Give it a try].
Talking to your future-self actually works. One practice I’ve leaned into over the years is acknowledging "my different selves" for specific actions. I’ll thank my past-self for reverse parking or putting money into savings, and I’ll make small promises to my future self (especially when I'm about to make a tough but smart decision). Yes, it might sound a little strange at first. But it works. It builds a bridge across time. A way to stay connected to your longer-term goals while still feeling motivated in the moment. That internal relationship becomes one of the most powerful tools for sticking to what really matters.
HOW TO PUT THIS INTO PRACTICE
Step 1: Run the test. Do the classic experiment. With kids: chocolate now or two if they wait. For yourself: skip a reward now, promise yourself something better in two weeks. Then see how it goes.
Step 2: Pick your challenge area. Choose one habit that tests your patience: saving, eating better, exercising, or completing long-term work.
Step 3: Add instant joy to the hard thing. Make the effort feel good now. Study with music, pair gym time with your favorite podcast, save for a trip or commit to spending a part of the savings on a nice restaurant.
Step 4: Pre-commit smartly. Set up systems that make the better choice easier (e.g., automate savings, block tempting apps, or set public commitments.)
Step 5: Celebrate your timeline. At the end of each week, thank your past self. Tell your future self what you’re doing for them. It feels silly… and it works.
Reply