We often hear that emotional intelligence is key to leadership. But few of us were ever taught how to actually communicate emotionally, especially in professional settings. For much of my early career, I believed I had to “put on a face” at work. Mainly to show up strong, confident, and in control. But everything changed when I began to lead with honesty and vulnerability. Today’s post is about the surprising power of emotional transparency in professional environments, and how it can transform not just relationships, but results.

Tip of the Week: If you want to be a more trusted teammate or a more effective leader, practice vulnerability as a strategic strength.

Side note: No matter how well we communicate, the truth is... we overdo it. A message interrupts us every 2 minutes on average, and suddenly, our whole day disappears into inboxes, DMs, and meetings.

If constant communication is hijacking your time, my Workload Management Systems course will help you take it back. You’ll learn the exact tools and mindset shifts to stop reacting and start leading your day — with clarity, not chaos.

The Theory Behind

Most workplace communication stays surface-level, but real trust is built through emotional expression. At Stanford’s famous Interpersonal Dynamics course (also known as “Touchy Feely”), participants learn that there are five levels of communication. Level 1 is Phatic (small talk and pleasantries). Level 2 is Factual (exchanging objective information, like project updates). Level 3 is Evaluative (offering opinions or judgments). Most of us, especially in corporate settings, operate in these zones by default, but Levels 4 and 5 move us beyond strategy and into sincerity. Level 4 is Gut-Level Communication (where we express how something makes us feel, not just what we think). Level 5 is Peak Communication - moments of deep mutual openness that usually arise through shared experiences or trust built over time. In high-performing teams, this kind of communication builds psychological safety, loyalty, and influence.

Nonviolent Communication gives us the language to go deeper (without creating drama). One of my favorite books with a terrible name, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, offers a surprisingly useful framework for tough conversations at work. It breaks communication into four steps: (1) Observation – describe what you’ve noticed without judgment; (2) Feelings – express how you feel, not what you assume the other person intended; (3) Needs – clarify what you need in the situation; and (4) Request – make a specific, polite ask to address the issue.

Here’s what this looks like in practice... and why it works. Instead of saying, “That didn’t go well,” you might say, “I felt discouraged when our proposal was dismissed without discussion. I’d hoped we could walk through the reasoning together.” That’s emotional honesty without blame, and it opens the door to real understanding. When giving feedback, instead of “You’re being disrespectful,” try: “In our last two meetings, I was interrupted before finishing. I felt frustrated because I need space to share my thoughts. Could we agree to finish before responding?” Even in performance reviews, this works. Rather than “This attitude is unprofessional,” say: “When deadlines are

What I’ve Learned

Here’s a lesson that stuck with me: People can disagree with your opinion, but they can’t argue with your feelings. If you are interrupted all the time and you give feedback like "you interrupting me all the time is wrong," the person can refute your statement and show you why it is needed. But, if you go with something like “I feel overwhelmed when you drop by and interrupt me constantly. Would you mind messaging me before stopping by my desk?” It’s grounded, respectful, and harder to dismiss. Acing non-violent communications isn't about being soft, it's more about being specific and emotionally honest. It ends up being the best way to give a feedback to someone, as they can't argue with how you felt about something.

Make It Happen

Let’s imagine you’re frustrated with a teammate who keeps cutting you off in meetings. Your instinct might be to say, “You’re being rude... stop interrupting me.” That would feel satisfying for a moment, and probably guarantee defensiveness. Instead, try these seven steps to communicate clearly, vulnerably, and with trust:

1. Observation: Describe what actually happened. Keep it neutral and fact-based. No judgments, no exaggerations. 👉 “In our last two meetings, I was interrupted before finishing.”

2. Feeling: Share how it made you feel. Use emotion words (not thoughts, accusations, or assumptions). 👉 “I felt frustrated and dismissed.”

3. Need: Name what you value or require. What’s the core need behind your emotion - clarity, respect, inclusion, focus? 👉 “I need space to express my ideas fully.”

4. Request: Ask for something clear and actionable. Turn the conversation toward a specific, respectful solution. 👉 “Could we agree to let each other finish before responding?”

5. Own your experience with “I” language. Keep the focus on your perspective, not their character. 👉 Say “I felt overlooked,” not “You always ignore me.”

6. Lead with curiosity, not certainty. You might be right, but you might not be. Invite dialogue instead of shutting it down. 👉 “How did that land for you?” or “What was your intention there?”

7. Practice when the stakes are low. You don’t need conflict to communicate like this. Use it in praise, gratitude, or even team check-ins. 👉 “When you shared openly in the retro, I felt hopeful - that kind of honesty helps us grow.”

Non-Violently,

Jorge Luis Pando

Say hi 👋 on LinkedIn or YouTube

PS: Wow, you made it all the way down here? You must really care about your personal development! Here are 3 ways I can help you grow even faster:

1. Get My Most Popular Course: Learn the exact system I’ve taught to 70,000+ professionals to take control of emails, meetings, and DMs, and reclaim 150+ hours in your year.

2. Join The Effective Collective: Our private membership is opening soon as invite-only. Get access to two best-seller courses, weekly coaching, and support to level up your performance without burning out.

3. Book Me for Coaching or a Workshop: Need help scaling yourself or your team? I offer 1:1 coaching and custom team sessions to help you work better, not harder.

Enjoying what you’re reading? Help a friend out… and you will win something for yourself too.